My kids have been playing old NES games with me and the younger (4) has discovered BATTLETOADS.
I remember liking Battletoads as a kid, but never being able to get very far because it was too hard. I thought that about a lot of games that as an adult I’ve gone back and discovered I could actually play now and beat. I assumed this would hold true of Battletoads.
I am here today to tell you this: FUCK Battletoads.
This game is infuriating. It’s somehow even harder than I remember, only now I’ve been playing video games for 30 years and can at least (sometimes) tell whether a game is hard because I just haven’t learned and practiced it enough or if it’s hard because it’s fucking bullshit. (I swear it’s not just that I suck. I mean, I do, but I think that there’s more going on here.)
Battletoads is BULLSHIT. These goddamn crows! They keep cutting my rope and making me fall to my death! The stupid electricity robot toasters keep zapping me for half my life and I can’t hit them because the controls are so floaty and terrible! It’s not enough that your character’s fist grows real big when you hit the final punch in a combo! IT’S NOT ENOUGH.
Then there’s the speederbike things. Hell’s Teeth! You gotta memorize a pattern to even stand a chance, and even then you’re lucky if you can get through because the d-pad is so unresponsive. If not for the music NOBODY would remember this sequence with anything even resembling fondness. (The song is pretty good)
I think Battletoads was ALWAYS a terrible video game and I just couldn’t see it.
It’s my duty as a father to protect my children from things that want to hurt them so I’ve banned Battletoads from the house. I will not have my children corrupted (or worse still, getting better than me at Battletoads.)
Currently Playing: Cryo Chamber Collaboration – “Cthulhu”
Currently Reading: HEAVY WEATHER, Bruce Sterling (which I swear I’m going to finish one of these days…)
joezone 