Today I learned that to prove their pigs are free-range some farmers strap pedometers to them.
This is already funny to me because I just imagine pigs with fitbits, which inevitably leads to pigs with smart phones and then BOOM: Starbucks.
Apparently, sometimes these pedometers fall off and other pigs eat em. Pigs’ll eat anything, as we all learned from Guy Ritchie’s one good movie, Snatch: “Never trust a man who owns a pig farm”.
So the pigs what ate the fitbits eventually poop ’em out, pigs are notorious for poopin’. Pig poop is flammable, as are partially digested pedometer batteries, and you all know the old saying:
“Show me a pigpen full of poop, partially digested pedometer batteries and dry hay and I’ll show you pigpen full of poop, partially digested pedometer batteries and dry hay that is on fire!”
At least that’s how it went down in North Yorkshire on the weekend. And people say there’s no news worth reading anymore.
No pigs were harmed in the fire (I mean, later they’re all going to get slaughtered and eaten. If it was me I’d probably rather die the hilarious battery-shit way, but I’m not sure the pig cares one way or the other)
Currently Playing: 光淵 (Pool Of Light) – “绿 (Green)”
Currently Reading: FACELESS KILLERS, Henning Mankell
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