You know what you need? You need a big ol’ bowl of chili. I make a mean chili. Chili is the cure for what ails ya. AND SO CAN YOU.
This is my personal recipe, honed after many years and many batches. It’s way better than that garbage you make. I wouldn’t feed that stuff to my dog. I wouldn’t feed it to YOUR dog. Trust me on this, I would never lie to you.
I don’t measure things when I make chili. I let my ingredients be my guide.
Get yourself some ground beef (or whatever, I have used beef in the past, I dont’ care what you use, I’m not your dad.)
Throw that in a pan and brown it up nice.
Get a slotted spoon or a sieve or whatever and drain all the juice from it and put the beef aside.
Chop up 2 onions and a bunch of garlic, I usually do a whole bulb (don’t chop either too fine, I like a nice chunk of onion or garlic, but again: YOU DO YOU).
Fry em up real nice until the onions are getting translucent. Take a moment and enjoy how insanely good your kitchen smells now.
Put the meat and the onions and the garlic into a big pot. Add a big can of stewed tomatoes (I prefer the non-chili style ones as they usually have some seasoning and I don’t need help seasoning my chili from a can of tomatoes)
Next pour in 2 cans of black beans, a bottle of beer (I use a brown ale) and most (or all) of a jar of pickled jalapenos (I’ve tried it with fresh jalapeno and it’s not as good).
Add a heap of chili powder, a bunch of garlic salt, some paprika, some black pepper and a table spoon or two of sugar.
Mix that up with a wooden spoon or a stick or any prosthetic limbs you may have.
Finally, hit it with 3 or 4 spurts of LIQUID SMOKE flavoring. I like the Hickory or Mesquitte variety.
Simmer it 90 minutes or so.
Serve with biscuits.
It’s a much soupier chili than you’re probably used to and it’s a lot more savoury, spicy and smoky than most chili. It’s great.
Currently Playing: 36 & zakè – “Stasis Sounds For Long-Distance Space Travel”
Currently Reading: THE WEIRD AND THE EERIE, Mark Fisher
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