2020.02.20 Combat Amphibians

My kids have been playing old NES games with me and the younger (4) has discovered BATTLETOADS.

I remember liking Battletoads as a kid, but never being able to get very far because it was too hard. I thought that about a lot of games that as an adult I’ve gone back and discovered I could actually play now and beat. I assumed this would hold true of Battletoads.

I am here today to tell you this: FUCK Battletoads.

This game is infuriating. It’s somehow even harder than I remember, only now I’ve been playing video games for 30 years and can at least (sometimes) tell whether a game is hard because I just haven’t learned and practiced it enough or if it’s hard because it’s fucking bullshit. (I swear it’s not just that I suck. I mean, I do, but I think that there’s more going on here.)

Battletoads is BULLSHIT. These goddamn crows! They keep cutting my rope and making me fall to my death! The stupid electricity robot toasters keep zapping me for half my life and I can’t hit them because the controls are so floaty and terrible! It’s not enough that your character’s fist grows real big when you hit the final punch in a combo! IT’S NOT ENOUGH.

Then there’s the speederbike things. Hell’s Teeth! You gotta memorize a pattern to even stand a chance, and even then you’re lucky if you can get through because the d-pad is so unresponsive. If not for the music NOBODY would remember this sequence with anything even resembling fondness. (The song is pretty good)

I think Battletoads was ALWAYS a terrible video game and I just couldn’t see it.

It’s my duty as a father to protect my children from things that want to hurt them so I’ve banned Battletoads from the house. I will not have my children corrupted (or worse still, getting better than me at Battletoads.)

Currently Playing: Cryo Chamber Collaboration – “Cthulhu”

Currently Reading: HEAVY WEATHER, Bruce Sterling (which I swear I’m going to finish one of these days…)

2020.02.19 Call Me (call me) Asmodai…

I recently caught up with the first season of the BBC Podcast “The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.”

It’s a radio play adaptation of one of Lovecraft’s stories done as fictional 10 episode investigative “true-crime” journalism podcast. It’s written and directed by Julian Simpson (whose blog and newsletter I am a fan of).

This is easily the best modern adaptation of a Lovecraft story I’ve ever experienced. The acting, sound design and direction are all great-to-excellent and the writing is outstanding. There is a second season based on THE WHISPERER IN DARKNESS that I plan to dive into this week and I understand this summer a third season is coming (based on SHADOW OVER INNSMOUTH) which supposedly will wrap up the trilogy.

The first season really does a great job of mixing the source material with a ton of research and information on secret societies and historical occultist characters from throughout history not referenced in the original story. They serve to really flesh out the world of the story and make it feel so believable. These references (and the mentions of several of the reference materials Simpson used in writing) have led me to some interviews on YouTube with historian Gary Lachman and then to the many books he’s written on the history of the occult and esotericism as well as several biographies on famous occultists and other counter-cultural figures.

Get this, turns out he’s also the bass-player from Blondie. How’s that for a cool second act in a career? Dude played the bass on Parallel Lines AND wrote a biography of Aleister Crowley. Neat.

A lot of the things I’ve been reading about or interested in lately all seem to keep connecting to occult characters and histories (OMG MAYBE IT’S MAGICK!!). Much of what I know on the subject has been absorbed via osmosis from reading the likes of Alan Moore, H.P. Lovecraft and various and sundry writers of that ilk. I suppose now is as good a time as any to get way into this shit. Maybe I’ll dabble now and then in a few years when I turn 40 I’ll go full-blown like Alan Moore and declare myself a magician and start worshipping a snake god or something… or, maybe I’ll just read a bunch of books and actually know what David Bowie was on about when he was in the grips of full-blown cocaine psychosis in the mid 70s. Either way, seems like a good use of my spare time!

Currently Playing: David Bowie – “Station to Station”
Currently (fucking still) Reading: HEAVY WEATHER, Bruce Sterling

2020.02.18 Get Better Problems

I finally got the streaming media server I’ve been talking about building for at least 7 or 8 years set up in my house. It’s glorious! I can at last stream all the media I’ve accumulated over the years and not be reliant on whatever service I’m renting bits from that month.

Now I have a new (and EXTREMELY first-world) problem:

See, I started backing up, acquiring and storing all these files years ago. Now, I’m going through all these old drives where the files have been housed in my basement, waiting for a server to be added to and they’re mostly 480p.

Now I find myself having to go one by one through these files and decide which movies and TV series to even bother putting onto the server and which ones I know there’s no way I am ever going to watch in that low resolution.

In some cases it’s an easy decision; I have archives of shows that probably never made it to digital media in the first place and the 360p YouTube VHS-rips I have are as good as I’m ever likely to get, so I’m happy I can watch them at all. In other instances it’s a real case of: “do I want to go out of my way to find a new, higher-res version of this? Have I possibly already bought this on blu ray and it’s somewhere in my collection? Do I want to spend the time and processing power ripping that disc so I can have it on this server?”

Again, this is a very first-world problem, but just because I need better problems doesn’t mean I shouldn’t write about these stupid ones I’ve already got.

Currently Playing: XLR8R Podcast – Episode 631: Ondness
Currently Reading: THE PENULTIMATE TRUTH, Philip K. Dick

The end times.

2020.02.14 Book City

Got through 4 books this week:

THE MAN WHO WENT UP IN SMOKE, Maj Sjöwall & Per Wahlöö
NIGHT BLIND, Ragnar Jónasson
THE NIGHT AT THE CROSSROADS, Georges Simenon
SLOW HORSES, Mick Herron

A very euro-centric week of crime/spy fiction here at Stately Gruszecki Manor.

SLOW HORSES is the first novel in the Slough House series of novels by Mick Herron. It concerns the British intelligence agents who are posted to “Slough House” a dumping ground for intelligence agents who have screwed up in some manner in the line of their duty. They get posted to Slough House under the odious and flatulence-prone Jackson Lamb (who is described in the novel as “Timothy Spall gone to seed”) to idly sit out their careers doing busy-work until they quit in disgust.

A young man is kidnapped and his live execution is promised over the internet and one of the agents in Slough House (called Slow Horses by the rest of the intelligence community) sees an opportunity to redeem himself by finding and saving him.

I had a great time with this book and will definitely be continuing with the series, the Jackson Lamb character is just fantastic. A fat, slovenly, flatulent asshole who just doesn’t give a shit about anybody (OR DOES HE?!!!!!!) but who is also secretly a brilliant agent. I in no way relate to this horrible man… nope… not at all… *fart*

Another week another failure to attack the ever-growing pile of unread manga beside my bed. I may have to institute some kind of strict “one-in-one-out” policy before the pile gets large enough to menace commercial aviation… I did read some more USAGI YOJIMBO, and startred another reread of Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell’s FROM HELL but finished neither so they don’t on the list.

I also made precious little progress on the Bruce Sterling novel, HEAVY WEATHER, I’ve been reading as it was a “bugger” of a work-week and I have not been awake enough to read any more of it. Hopefully, this long weekend will let me catch up on both my sleep and my non-audio books.

Currently Playing: Seffi Starshing – “Virtual Goddess”

Currently Reading: A CRIME IN HOLLAND, Georges Simenon

2020.02.13 The Color Out Of Space

The Color Out of Space is one of my favorite H.P. Lovecraft stories. It’s genuinely scary and a great place to start if one were wanting to get into Lovecraft’s weird fiction. It helps that it doesn’t have as much of the virulent racism, misogyny and xenophobia one has to contend with in many of his other famous works.

The story concerns a meteorite that crashes into the Gardner family farm in the rural area outside one of Lovecraft’s many fictional New-England townships: Arkham, Massachusetts. The interstellar rock gives off a strange light outside the visible spectrum, and eventually poisons and warps everything around it.

Richard Stanley’s new adaptation is his first feature since Marlon Brando drove him crazy in the making of The Island of Dr. Moreau back in 1996 (if you haven’t seen the documentary about the making of this film and the unmaking of Richard Stanley I highly recommend the documentary Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr. Moreau). His new movie seems to me to be something of a triumphant return.

It’s surprising to me that The Color Out Of Space has been adapted at all, let alone more than once (the 2010 German adaptation Die Farbe is excellent). Lovecraft has something of a spotty record with adaptation, largely I’d suggest due to how un-cinematic his stories are in the first place. The horrors in Lovecraft’s tales are always about the unknown and indeed the unknowable. The titular color in this story is referred to in the text as being “only a color by analogy“… I mean… so, what the fuck is it then?! Well, that’s sort of the point in his writing. So, to try and take a thing thats chief descriptor in the source material is that it’s indescribable seems challenging to say the least. Lovecraftian horror, in my estimation, stems chiefly from two things: DREAD and THE WEIRD

THE WEIRD is that which I’ve already described. It’s horror of the uncanny, indescribable nature of what is being observed. Phenomenon from outside the bounds of human understanding. Ancient, elder Gods unbound by the laws of physics as we understand them and completely uninterested in the goings-on of a species so beneath them as the human race.

DREAD is slow, creeping, unsettling horror. The slow-burn, where something just feels slightly off and by turns grows more upsetting and the tension builds and builds and builds until it explodes in a crescendo of existential PANIC. There aren’t a lot of jump-scares or gross-outs in Lovecraft. The horror comes on slow, the weirdness mounts and elevates until it’s rattling the windows of sanity itself. These are both difficult things to pull off in a movie. Especially in modern mainstream cinema which rarely allows the silence and slowness necessary to really build a mood.

Richard Stanley’s Color Out of Space seems to focus mostly on one of these aspects: THE WEIRD. There’s not a lot of “creeping dread” in the film and any cosmic nihilism is mostly implied. After a short intro THE WEIRD starts to ratchet up FAST. Of all the Lovecraft films I’ve seen this one definitely delivers the weird. Fantastic lighting, good creature design, some really excellent performances from the whole cast (particularly Nicolas Cage who, as always, really makes some CHOICES that deliver in spades) and a really tremendous final act make it a very enjoyable ride. I highly recommend it, I suspect it will be unlike most films you’ve seen before.

If you think creeping dread would be more to your taste I would again heartily recommend the 2010 adaptation Die Farbe which doesn’t have the budget to get too WEIRD (though it does pretty well considering its scale) but definitely delivers the DREAD.

I understand Stanley plans to adapt The Dunwich Horror next, another very strong Lovecraft story, so hopefully this one did well enough to convince whomever needs convincing to give him the money to do it justice.

I have a great deal of notes on Lovecraft and his writing so I expect I’ll revisit the topic here in the future.

Currently Playing: David Bowie – “Heroes”
Currently (still) Reading: SLOW HORSES, Mick Herron

2020.02.12 To Be Or Not To Be (1942)

Rewatched Ernst Lubitsch’s “To Be Or Not To Be” last night.

It’s one of the best comedies ever made. One of the great examples of angry comedy. A brilliant satire set in Warsaw in 1939. It’s about a troupe of actors who get involved in a plot to stop a nazi spy from handing over information on the underground to the Gestapo. It has extremely high stakes and you can’t get much more serious subject matter and yet is a blast to watch and riotously funny.

Jack Benny and Carole Lombard are extremely funny as the two leads: a married actor couple in the theatre troupe, but the funniest character is the Gestapo Col. Erhardt played by Sig Ruman, his delivery and facial expressions are sublime. I’ve never heard or seen any confirmation of this, but it seems to me that character and his portrayal are the inspiration for both Col. Klink and Schulz from Hogan’s Heroes.

Col. Erhardt interviews Joseph Tura who is disguised as Nazi spy, Professor Siletsky

I was surprised to learn that although now it’s considered one of Lubitsch’s best films, at the time of its release To Be or Not To Be was not particularly well received by the public, and many critics found it to be in poor taste. This is odd as I would have thought a movie about what fucking shitheads nazis are would have gone over well. If ever there was a group of people deserving of scorn and satire it’s the fucking nazis. Lubitsch managed to make a laugh-out-loud, hilarious comedy set in Warsaw about the nazis that bristles with life, righteous anger, and also has some pretty great slapstick and he did it in 1942!

It was remade 40 years later by Mel Brooks, but I have never seen that version. I’m a big Mel Brooks fan and I often think of tracking it down, but end up just putting on the original again. I really don’t see how you could top it.

Currently Playing: Northumbria – “Vinland”

Currently Reading: FOLK HORROR REVIVAL: CORPSE ROADS, Andy Paciorek

2020.02.11 Every Frame a Painting

I’m watching all of the “Every Frame a Painting” videos on YouTube again.

I’ve watched many other film essayists on YouTube since discovering EFaP but even the best of them are never quite as good as Tony’s. I’ve learned so much about cinema from these videos. Here’s three of my favorites:

Currently Playing: The British Space Group – “The Ley of the Land”

Currently (still) Reading: SLOW HORSES, Mick Harron

2020.02.10 Top 10 Films of 2019

I’d held off on finally doing up this list as I wanted to see The Irishman, The Lighthouse & Knives Out (the less said about that last one the better) before I finalized it. I have now seen them and am ready to share with the world what they’ve all be waiting for:

Joey G’s top 10 films of 2019.

Parasite, Dir: Bong Joon-Ho
It’s every bit as good and better still than you’ve heard. It was the easiest pick I’ve ever had at number one and would also top my best of the decade list were I to make such a thing.
The Irishman, Dir: Martin Scorsese
The whole package is extraordinary, but the last hour in particular hit me hard. I have spent a lot of time, and even more in the last few months, thinking about mortality and the passage of time and this particular elegy on the subject absolutely floored me.
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Dir: Quentin Tarantino
I saw this twice in the theatre in 3 days. I rarely get to the theatre, let alone to the same movie more than once, these days. I was utterly captivated by every minute and the more I think about it the higher in my Tarantino rankings it seems to climb (currenlty sitting at number 3 behind Inglourious Basterds and Kill Bill)
The Lighthouse, Dir: Robert Eggers
It’s hard to believe there are three movies above this on this list. Almost any other year this would be a shoo-in for number 1. The best looking and sounding movie of the year and just incredible performances from Dafoe and Pattinson.
Pain & Glory, Dir: Pedro Almodovar
This could make a good double-feature with The Irishman. I haven’t seen his whole filmography, but this sits pretty high in my Almodovar rankings.
Midsommar, Dir: Ari Aster
This really impressed me. I liked it so much it makes me want to go back and rewatch Hereditary in case I’m wrong about it. (I thought it was boring, stupid and badly written). Some visuals from this movie are seared into my memory forever.
The Dead Don’t Die, Dir: Jim Jarmusch
I suspect in a few years people are going to rediscover this movie and realize how great it is. The deadpan comedy and molasses-slow pacing, laconic even by Jarmusch standards, is like catnip for me. I’ve watched it several times now and it gets better on every rewatch.
Us, Dir: Jordan Peele
Impeccably made, truly scary, and an absolute BLAST to watch. I suspect, like the Jarmusch, that it will reward rewatches immensely.
Dolemite is My Name, Dir: Craig Brewer
I am a sucker for movies about scrappy underdogs making movies. I was already a fan of Rudy Ray Moore and the original Dolemite so this was just utterly delightful. Also, I didn’t realize how much I’d missed seeing Eddie Murphy giving a shit about a movie he was in.
The Beach Bum, Dir: Harmony Korine
There is a scene with Martin Lawrence in this movie that is the funniest scene of any movie all year.

That’s as good a top 10 as I can recall having.

I haven’t watched, nor really cared, about the Oscars in several years now, but it still made me happy to see Parasite do so well. I only have lists going back to 1999 but this was the first year that the best picture winner matched my number one! Closest before this was in 2007 when No Country For Old Men– my number 2- won (There Will Be Blood was my number one).

Currently Playing: A.L. Lloyd – “An Evening with A.L. Lloyd”
Currently Reading: SLOW HORSES, Mick Herron

2020.02.07 Continue With Your Book Report

Finished 5 books this week:
ANXIETY AS AN ALLY, Dan Ryckert
MUD AND STARLIGHT: THE ALAN MOORE INTERVIEWS 2008-2016, Pádraig Ó Méalóid
ROSEANNA, Maj Sjöwall, Per Wahlöö
ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND, Lewis Carroll
THE SNAIL ON THE SLOPE, Boris & Arkady Strugatsky

If you have any interest in the works of Alan Moore I highly recommend MUD AND STARLIGHT.

I’d read most of these interviews as they were originally published over the years, but it was great revisiting them all at once in this format. It’s neat to see references to books I’ve since read that were still being kicked around in larval form at the time of the interview.

One of the main reasons I wish people would read this book is that there’s a very cliche image of Alan Moore that a lot of people seem to have. That of the crazy, grumpy wizard who lives in a tree and shouts at people for liking superheroes. This is really a complete distortion of the man, and a lazy one at that. He seems, to me, to be an exceedingly kind man whose disdain for much of modern comics and comics-culture seems pretty well-earned and deserved. Few authors have had the impact on the medium of comics that he’s had and also few have been as dicked-around by it. Hard to blame the guy for wanting to wash his hands of the whole thing.

The interviews actually spend very little time talking about subjects that Moore clearly is not interested in discussing (superheroes) and mostly concerns itself with what Moore was working on at the time. Works he clearly cared and was extremely passionate about. Passion which shows in the finished works, some of which are among the finest things he’s created in his long career (Providence!).

Rereading these I felt like I came to an even better understanding of one of our greatest living writers and the last ~15 years of his work.

One thing I did NOT get around to this week was the manga I had intended to read. I started the first volume of YOUNG MISS HOLMES by Kaoru Shintani, but gave up on it. I can be pretty fussy about Holmes pastiche/adaptation and I bounced off this one pretty hard after the first 4 or 5 chapters.

Currently Playing: Jim Guthrie – “Below (Original Soundtrack)”

Currently Reading: UNDERGROUND: THE TOKYO GAS ATTACK AND THE JAPANESE PSYCHE, Haruki Murakami